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"I woke up excited, yet uneasy about my 19 week ultrasound on January 18th, 2017. 

I had no reason to think anything was wrong with my baby, but I had a bad feeling. My husband met me at my appointment. Per routine, I went in first for the doctors to measure the baby and then he would come in. I had done this twice before, so I knew what to expect. 

I remember laying down and telling the ultrasound technician that I have not felt the baby move yet. I could see the screen at this point and I couldn't see any movements, so I proceeded to ask her if my baby was moving. 

"One minute, I'll be right back," she replied. 

My heart sunk. I just kept saying out loud "please God, no, no, no."

When the ultrasound technician came back, she brought someone else. They went on to tell me that the machine was broken and I would have to reschedule my appointment. As they fiddled around with the machine, I looked at them and point blank asked, "Is my baby alive?" The ultrasound technician looked at me and said,"Do you have a reason to think your baby isn't alive?" 

I left the room upset, and told my husband that we were going to the ER, because I couldn't wait for another ultrasound. We both wanted to believe the machine was really broken, but I knew in my heart something wasn't right. 

On our way to the hospital, I called my midwives. They has spoken with my ultrasound technician and they told me that our baby's heart stopped beating at 17 weeks. 

We were devastated. How was this happening?! It was my worst nightmare. 

My little girl came two days later, and even though it was the scariest moment of my life, I felt God there with us. He filled us with a peace that passes understanding. 

We got to name her, hold her and spend some time with her before they took her away. She was PERFECTLY formed already, at just 19 weeks. I could count her little fingers, see her sweet lips that looked just like her siblings lips. 

Her life has changed my life forever and I'll never forget our sweet baby. Even though our hearts are sad, we have hope in Jesus. He is truly so good. I wish this never happened to us but it has been amazing seeing God's hand through it all."


- Charmaine

CHARMAINEChandler Cooksey